At just 14, Brandy Stevens-Rosine was already navigating deep and complicated emotions—family struggles, friendships evolving, and the highs and lows of young love. In this heartfelt MySpace entry from June 2006, she opens up about strained relationships with her father, growing pains with friends, and the difficulties of navigating her identity in a world that didn’t always understand. This post captures her honesty, resilience, and the universal journey of self-discovery.
Entry Date: June 17th, 2006
Current mood: rejected
Ok...in the past six months a lot has gone on in my life. First of all I've been back and forth with my father with visitation, child support, and all the baggage that goes with it. That has ended badly and has resulted in me pretty much wishing to never see him again. Right now I must go to counciling and so should he. The judge will look at the order of the councilors and decide what is best. I think that this is very wise because I can almost guarantee that I will never have to see him again because he will never go. I am also forced back to court at the end of July. I hope that this is the last time.
My family life has gotten somewhat better. My Mom and I aren't fighting quite as much as we used to. I believe I've become much more patient and have lost my illusion of superiorty. Most of the time I just don't feel like aruguing. Jimmy is pretty kewl even though I hate it when he just leaves me at home.
Now my friends are a whole different issue. My best friend for so many years I now hate and have no inclination where this urge of hatred has come from. She has not done anything to me. Maybe it's my concious catching up with me. When she did do something to me, I blew it off and forgave her. Now maybe I regret that and am holding a grudge. I am also quite upset because she told my ex's Mom all this private stuff about me and now I am not allowed to see her. I don't believe that she knows I know who told.
I have also gotten some new friends. Well not exactly new but people that we're always there but I kind of blew off and wanted nothing to do with because I thought it mean betraying my other friends. Now I have both and am happier then I have been in a long time with my friends. There are a few new people in my life that have made my life better. I've found out that a few of them have gone threw a lot of the stuff I am trying to figure out about myself and they've helped me along the way.
Now onto a subject I really don't want to bring up because it is the most paintful yet I know that if I talk about it, it will help me to accept it. My teenage love life can be described in two words: It sucks. In the past six months I have gone out with exactly 4 people. Out of those 4, I've loved 2. And out of those original 4, 2 of them were girls. I'm not going to mention names because of people who may be looking here. The first person I went out with I loved. He was great. I had my first kiss with him and I grew to love him in 1 week. On my birthday, he moved to Texas. I haven't talked to him since January. The second person I have gone out with was a total illusion. We had been going out since last July and broke up in April. It was on/off the whole time. I learned to love her, but I guess the whole time she didn't love me. She couldn't stand me. She went out with me because she wanted to make me happy. Everybody I've talked to who knew us, knew that all of this was a lie. She couldn't except herself so we moved on. That was very difficult for me. In the last few months of our relationship, I started going out with this one kid. I had liked him for quite a while. Even though I never loved him, he was a great friend and I wouldn't trade his friendship for the world. I am still bitter about the fact that we had to break up because he refused any kind of public displays of affection.
Now the last person I will talk about was the person I loved the most. I also went out with her for the shortest time. Before we went out, she was friends with my ex. Thats how we met. Well my ex wanted to keep us to herself and not let us become friends. We pretty much thought that the other hated us and never talked. Eventually she called me and we started to talk. We figured out that we liked one another and started to go out. I loved that girl. We only got to spend one night together unfortunatly before her mother came into the picture. My ex had told her mother that I was bi and her mother told my girlfriend that she was never allowed to see me again. It ended really badly. I refused to talk to her for weeks. I still had feelings for her and couldn't confront them. Now we talk but we have to be careful. She won't go out with me again though. I hope we will be able to stay good friends. Other things have come and gone in my life, but as they come I deal.
12:09 PM
Comments